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About nine years ago I faced minor heart surgery, and with it a small chance of dying—less than the chance of me dying from my heart condition, but not to be trifled with. So a couple of days before the surgery I went for a ride on my motorcycle. Not serious canyon-blasting, though I know some who would go for that—and Jim, if I were in your situation I would—but a more relaxed freeway ride. I considered the possible outcomes (success, failure, pacemaker, death). I asked myself, had I lived a good life. I concluded that I had, and that if I died, while I'd be upset about it, I'd also be okay with it in a way. At that moment I knew I was ready, so I turned around and went back home.
Jim, your risks are more stacked to the unpleasant possibilities and your choices are less clear than mine were. I hope that in the next few days you can come to some kind of peace with all the possible outcomes, especially the more difficult ones. And I hope that your surgery goes as well as it can, with your vision intact and the tumor gone. Good luck and good health to you.
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