Christmas is coming...

[Aaron]

so here's a list I found of Alternative gifts for goalies...

10. SPF 30 sun screen, for that annoying back of the neck burn.
9. For the significant other on your list, here's one that won't cost you a penny: After the game, you can "tend to his equipment," if you know what I mean.

8. Chia Pet (hey, everyone loves chia pets).

7. Ice packs, Ice packs, and more ice packs.

6. A contract with a real NHL team, instead of an IHL contract in hockey hell.

5. Patrick Roy's newest instructional video: "How to alienate a whole city in three easy steps" (endorsed by Mike Keenan).

4. Dominic Hasek's newest instructional video: "Ugly goaltending made easy."

3. Blaine Lacher's newest instructional video: "Riding the Pine with Style."

2. Clothing that brings out the color of bruises.

1. Gift certificate for mental health services.

[Bernie]

Other goalie gifts:

An "I'm standing in front of stupid" jersey with a finger pointing back to the goal judge.

$550 "goaltender accessory combo kit" includes two of those $200 goalie sticks and a piece of that scrap metal to bolt onto your skates.

Immediate "Member Status" to the Miller BB even though the recipient has less than 20 posts.

Robb Foster's new book "NHL Agency For Dummies"

Aaron's new internet pamphlet "How to dress a goalie for under 50 bucks"

Bryan and Bernie's new book "Stuff we agree on" (Expected publication date unknown)

Tartan's new book "Fiziks for teh goley" (Edited by Potvin)


New Children's Book "The Scratch n' Sniff Book of Hockey"


Handy "Candian to U.S. Goalie Equipment Price Jackup Estimator"

"The Worldwide Atlas of Groin Injuries"

And, Finally Dr Suess's newest book "Holy Molly You Want To Be A Goalie- you crazy mixed up bastard!"

(Here, I've included an exerpt)

A goalie is what I want to be.
Yes goalie is the job for me.
I will do it, yes I will.
I will do it. What a thrill!

What are you? Friggin' insane?
Have you lost your freakin' brain?
Have you ever been hit by a puck?
Don't you know it hurts like...

Bernie

[TartanBill]

Hey Bernie, LOL.

BTW, its no wonder that "Holy Molly" is being published posthumously.

You do Dr. Seuss a great service...

hay!bernie whatt yoou talkin abbout?

hay im vary ofennded

[Bernie]

Sorry Potvin- I just couldn't help myself. I'll drop my hands and let you go ahead and take your best shot at me and I won't retaliate!

Bernie

[TartanBill]

xxx

[This message has been edited by TartanBill (edited September 26, 1999).]

[TartanBill]

Did you know you cannot leave a blank message?

[This message has been edited by TartanBill (edited September 26, 1999).]

****-a-doodle-do?

[Bryan]

Maybe you need to type with a ****ney accent?

Or is that c**kney? This making me want to test the profanity censor!

Actually, I just did it. It's quite frightening the REALLY bad words it didn't censor! They were much worse than c**k! I had no choice but to edit them out myself!

[This message has been edited by Bryan (edited September 22, 1999).]

I wanna try!

Wow, I can say "ass?"

[This message has been edited by Badgerit (edited September 22, 1999).]

[AJW]

Type wiv a ****ney accent. Shine yor shoes then, guv? Funny 'ow they censor ****ney. Is
not like ****ney's a filffy word. them fancy westenders 'ave a look dahn their noses at us like we's animals just because we from East London. Them filffy tossers is always 'ave a lookin' for away ter put us dahn. Its not right. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? i wont stand for it anymore!
Blimey!

[AJW]

My neme-a is Tommy Salo und i em a secund rete-a Svedeesh gueleee-a pleyeeng in zee Neshunel Huckey Leeg-a. Yuoo knoo ifery oone-a seys us svedes telk foonny. Bork bork bork! Why vuoold unyune-a theenk thet? I dunt understund it. Um de hur de hur de hur.

****in pile of retarded muther ****ing ****
JUST SEAING WHAT I CAN SAY