Dealing with anger?

[Zay1993]

I have a little bit of an anger problem while playing. I didn't start this thread because of one game I played where I got pissed off, but because I have an anger problem in hockey. Ever since I started playing goal I've had anger problems when letting in more goals than I think I should be letting in, or shots I think that I should've had. The first case was back when I just started playing ice hockey (coming from floor/gym hockey) I obviously wasn't good at playing goal on the ice. I was letting in alto of goals and eventually my anger kept building up and then I released it and smashed my stick on the ice, which sent the blade flying in the air.

The worst case of anger was in the gold medal game back in march. I had 2 shutouts and I was playing VERY good and was one of the main reasons our team had made it to the gold medal games. The other team was badly outplaying us.

Anyways we started off trading goals until we were tied at 3-3 going into the second period, then I let in a weak goal, glove side to make it 4-3. After I let in that goal I got up and smashed my stick against the post (to my surprise it didn't break ) It just got worse and worse! We ended up losing the game 14-3. After the 4th goal, I kept getting madder and madder. Around 6 goals I was yelling F***! Then at 9 and up, I was so frustrated I was throwing my blocker at the boards and crying in frustration.

Onto more recent times. My last game on Sunday, The game was 2-1. We were being badly outplayed and it was a goalie showdown. Our team gave up a 5 on 3 pp for them and it was late in the 1st. It carried into the 2nd period, and I ended up giving up a goal. I got mad and not quite yelled but said loudly f***! Then they scored on the 5 on 4 pp following the 5 on 3. After that goal I hit my stick on the ice and put my head to the ice (because I gave up a goal) We ended up losing 6-3 and shots were approx. 40-25 for them. After every goal I was getting madder, until I was yelling F***!!! and smashing my stick on the ice.

Does anyone else deal with this? If so how do you control your anger? Anyone have any tips to helping my anger problems?

I am NOT like Tim Thomas crazy

[Doc Holliday]

You could always quit, it'll eliminate the cause of the anger.

Or you could take a moment, step back and realize that when you get that mad you're losing focus, hurting your performance and your team.

Rather than getting pissed off try to focus on making the next save. That's it.

Redirect your anger into your play, eventually it'll quit happening, or at least you may not externalize it so much and maybe focus it and better your efforts, plus getting mad and losing control places it into others peoples hands which you don't want.

Think of Kiprusoff, you can hardly ever tell if he's been scored on or just made a big save, his expression never changes.

[Spidey]

this may be a little a little corny and karate kidish but learn how to use and focus your anger.

Being able to controle and focus the anger lets you use the adrenaline to your advantage.

Take some karate or other marshal art to learn to focus the anger into a positive. I have mad anger issues to and like you are almost to go Hextal on the post but I calm down and remember that the team looks twords me and if I am calm and show it doesn't bother me then maybe they realize to step it up a knotch and score LOL

[leaferguy]

Simple question: Would you want to play in front of a goalie that goes ballistic when the team starts losing? Just frame your actions from the team's perspective, and you'll realize how every goal you let in starts to feel like 2 or 3 goals to your team when you start crying or taking 27 seconds to get up after a goal.

How many times do the forwards on your team scream and throw their sticks when the other goalie makes a save?

[Zay1993]

I have improved a little bit since that march incident. I've been trying to focus my anger and turn it into something good. My dad tells me to do this to, I've been trying to do it and it's definetely working a little bit. I still get mad to often though. Thanks for the advice guys and yes I know it looks REALLY stupid when I get mad but I can't help it yet. Hopefully with experience and age will come control

Keep those suggestions coming!

[leaferguy]

Try to study body language. Simple things like how you hold your head, how you stand, and how you motion to your defensemen are huge. One thing for me is that when I get scored on, I never get up staring at the rafters because, somehow, my team takes that as giving up. So, I dig the puck out and hand it to the ref. Obviously, this is more nuanced than not throwing your stick, but you want to change this and change this as best you can. Small steps will make a big difference to fixing this problem.

A lot of this will come with maturity. A lot of it will seem silly in a few years. For now, just take a step back and visualize what you're about to do before you do it. When you realize that you look like an angry squirrel in a cage, you may not want to do it.

[LeGardienDeBut1]

forget the score. just worry about the next shot. IMO, i think its best to not show emotion on the ice. if i get scored on, i just skate to boards casually and skate back. just stay confident. let your defence they need to step it up

[Steve L]

Start by reading this book:

Amazon.com: Hockey Tough: Books: Saul L. Miller

Though it doesn't specifically discuss goalies, it is a well done book on focusing on a proper mental attitude. We bought copies for everyone on my son's team, and they have weekly reading addignments from it.

Otherwise, a few sessions with a real sports psycologist might be a good idea.

Too bad you aren't six years old. I was able to deal with this with my kid way back then!!

[WillyGrips13]

First, remember that in sports everyone loses games and series at some point. Also, at some point everyone plays poorly and makes gaffs in games. Sometimes that will be you. Sometimes that will be someone else. We all have to take our turn with failure. This will teach us humility. It will teach you that you are capable of both success and failure.

I was feeling pretty good about my play recently. Unfortunately, I was pretty bad in my game on Sunday. We lost 6-1 and at least 4 of those goals were my fault. I let in three wrist shots from outside the circle. I wasn't sure what was happening. It reminded me of when Theodore was struggling in Montreal. He would allow a long shot and look around wondering how it went in. It's best to just accept that sometimes it will not be your night. Also, we have all been the victim of blowouts at some point or another. When you are having a night like this try to concentrate on working on your game. Try not to feel embarrassed about the high goals allowed and continue to focus and put forth the effort until the game ends. Believe me, we have all felt like pouting after a poor performance by ourselves or our teammates. It's best to just shrug it off and hope for a better result next time.

Pro athletes speak in cliches but when they talk about forgetting about the game they just lost and prepare for the next one they are correct. They also will practice the same method during a game after they have been scored on. Teams that come back from deficits are strong mentally and don't allow setbacks to extinguish their hopes. Look at the Red Sox. They win both when they are behind in a game and when they are behind in a series. It is because they are strong mentally and they aren't hard on themselves when they fail. They trust themselves to have a strong performance the next time around.

Also, there is damage control. If you allow goals early it is easy to get off your game and give up or pout. But, you must have the frame of mind that if you can just hold your team in they might pop a goal or two in and the team will be back in the game. Even if it seems out of reach you would be surprised how fortunes shift within a game.

Finally, remember it is just a game. Knowing that we all fail and we all have some success, allow yourself to play without fear of losing. Life will go on even if you lose. I don't mean to not care about winning. I mean that winning will come eventually if you don't fear losing or you don't expect to lose. If you think you're going to lose you are putting yourself at a mental disadvantage. Just put forth your best effort no matter what the circumstances and success will follow.

[MetropolisPt31]

Originally Posted by WillyGrips13

{great advice}

Read and remember Willy's advice. In my circle of fellow beer league schmucks, I'm known for usually being a very calm and collected goalie. However, I have been cursed (er, blessed? ) with an intense Latin temper that comes from my dad's side and I have put on some fine fiery shows for spectators and opponents along the way.

I always try to stay aware of how I'm feeling. If I know I'm angry, I know I will probably soon do something stupid and so I quickly calm myself down. Most of all, though, I don't want my team and opponents to there's a nutjob playing net. Besides, I love that opponents get annoyed because they can't rattle me.

[Timberwoof]

It may help to practice being calm.

Pick some calm moment and just sit quietly and experience that calm. What's it like in there when you're just breathing, watching, hearing? What is this "calmness" all about? Just think on it gently ... calmly. You don't have to put it in words or write poetry about it; just get familiar with it. (You already know all about anger, the heart pounding, heavy breathing, furrow-browed, jaw-clenched fog that swamps all thought. No need to practice that any more, right?)

Then, when you let in some dumb goal (we all let them in now and again), instead of going ballistic, which helps nothing, go calm. Then from that center of calm, go into your basic stance and position and prepare for the next save, which will be the most important one.

[Kahnighit]

I'll add real quick to what others have said about how your body language is interpreted. When a shooter scores on you they think they might have your number. When you smash sticks, sulk in the crease, bow your head in shame or stare at the rafters they now know they've got you beat cause you just told them you've lost control. You've handed them an edge and demoralized your team. Evidence of this is the subsequent meltdowns you've described.

There's the mental game and part of that is the mental head games. There are goalies that add extra flavor to thier glove saves to get into the shooter's head cause we've seen how robbing someone can affect that person for the rest of the game or even into the next one. At the apex of my challenge on breakaways I slam my stick down and sometimes grin. On ice tantrums are the opposite of those things. Give them nothing and that includes head space.

[_PRODIGY_]

I'm the same way. I beat myself up when I let in a weak goal because I know I have no problem acknowledging nice goals. I'm not mad at my team, or at the refs, or anyone but myself. As soon as my team starts losing by a 3 goal spread I start getting really frustrated with myself, especially if I know that the goals were completely stoppable.

I went through 4 stick in the summer, 2 wood, 2 composite, with smashing them on the post. When I switched to composite sticks, I started realising how much money I was wasting every time I smashed my stick for a goal so I just started to grit my teeth and trying to handle it better. I think the money thing, coughing up almost $200 every time I smashed my stick, started to really keep my temper under control. Being a poor university student, I can't afford the luxuries of buying a new stick every time I lose a game.

Zay, I know you're 14 and you're coursing with testosterone :P but try to remember what I tell myself: everyone's eyes are on you after a goal, and the last thing you want to do is to show unsportsmanlike conduct to your own team because being the goalie is one of the highest respected positions on the team.

[paulsmachetti]

Originally Posted by Zay1993

I have a little bit of an anger problem while playing.

eventually my anger kept building up and then I released it and smashed my stick on the ice, which sent the blade flying in the air.

After that goal I hit my stick on the ice and put my head to the ice (because I gave up a goal) We ended up losing 6-3 and shots were approx. 40-25 for them. After every goal I was getting madder, until I was yelling F***!!! and smashing my stick on the ice.
[/size]

You're getting all this great advice but let's jjust cut to the chase.
You need to cut the ****!
Grow up! It's a game.
Sounds like you need an Anger Management class.
Your teammates must think you're an ass!
Doesn't sound like you have the makeup to be a goaltender! Perhaps you should skate out.
paul

[_PRODIGY_]

Originally Posted by paulsmachetti

You're getting all this great advice but let's jjust cut to the chase.
You need to cut the ****!
Grow up! It's a game.
Sounds like you need an Anger Management class.
Your teammates must think you're an ass!
Doesn't sound like you have the makeup to be a goaltender! Perhaps you should skate out.
paul

To some people, hockey is their life.
Some goalies care more than others when they win or lose, and some are just very competitive with themselves.